I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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