Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize