Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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