so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
