I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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