There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
