I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
