i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
