soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
