your room smells of hookers.
And success
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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