I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just invented taco cereal.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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