What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
