It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I need water and some morals
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
