At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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