he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize