The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sorry about my life...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
