I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
