her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
