no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
