We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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