Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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