I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
