Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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