ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
