why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
