Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
pop tarts are not kleenex
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
