sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
