video games are the ultimate cock blocker
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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