Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
