somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
