No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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