Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
