he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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