What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
