Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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