The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
