If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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