with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
