I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
