You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
