I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize