Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
