You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
