lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
