Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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