history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
