It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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