if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
