you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
