u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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