drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
