just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
