im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
