glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
