So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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