why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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