I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
