I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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