Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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