matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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