I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
