It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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