worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
